And then there were three…
We call him Jax. Back back when we dreamed about having any kids the name Jax was always a name that I was in love with… and once we learned that we needed to decide on a boy name – Jax was it once we read the meaning of the name…
God has been gracious
God has shown favor
And we just feel like God has been so gracious to our little family as we have started walking through this Adoption Journey. We brought our sweet boy home on August 17th… He spent the day with us on Tuesday prior to him coming home for good on Friday. We all immediately fell in love! I feel like even in just 4 short weeks he has changed so much already! And so have we. When he first got here he had these eye brows that questioned everything that was going on around him and his little head kept winding back and forth faster than an owl checking everything out from all directions. His tight little back and legs have relaxed and snuggled on in.
We have been asked lots to share pictures of our cute little guy and we would LOVE to but right now as he is still “in foster care” we can’t until our adoption is final… Rest assured we are taking lots and will share all in due time. Let’s see if I can use my words to pull him into picture. He just fits. He really is a happy littlle guy. Although He did get his first two teeth in the first week he was with us and he is covered in drool most of the time with his hand or a toy just chomping away.
He has these big brown beautiful eyes that take up most of his sweet little face. His skin is so snuggly soft and the color of the most perfect creamy milk chocolate… He is on the smaller more snuggly side for 8 months and still seems more on the baby side. When he first came to us he was a little floppy but he is starting to sit up (wobbly of course) and in the last week he is rolling from front to back and back to front… He has almost perfected the alligator death roll as he is getting around the floor these days… big strides we think. Another big accomplishment was that for the first time he picked up a little puff and ate it all by himself… He has us amazed because he is picking up new things so fast. We watch him struggle one day to try something new like eating a little puff and watch him master it within a few short days. We were concerned when he first made it home about him developmentally but those concerns are quickly fading. His progression has been so overwhelmingly fast!
I love his little smile… we have been seeing it so much lately. Last night he giggled and cooed for so long just content to keep rolling in circles as the bigger kids rolled around him to show him how. One of my favorite things that just encourages my heart is the way that all three of the kids interact together… there is something unexplainable… something just so precious as they love on each other. Jax just lights up whenever either of them are around and both Rhi and Ry work so hard to get smiles out of him which actually come quite easily. We worked really hard prior to his placement to really help our kiddos become familiar with adoption and it has just seemed to natural that Jax is their brother… he is our family… We spent some time with specialist from VMRC and they encouraged us to work on his baby babble so that is the latest area that Rhi & Ry have been pretty helpful in… and if you hear either of them (very loudly) shout ga ga ga… or blah blah blah… they think they are being helpful regardless of how crazy loud (and slightly awful) it is.
Our social workers worked so hard to prepare us… we were mentally prepared… but even the best amount of training, and talking, and reading can’t always prepare you for real life. It’s foster adoption which we knowingly wanted to choose to do because we believe in the greatness of the need and the call to stand in the gap and love on foster little ones… but the reality is that visits with birth parents are difficult. I feel like we work so hard all week to love on him and bond with him just as he is our own… and it really does feel like such a natural love until I have to hand him back over to the person that forced him into the situation that he is in. As a momma we work so stinking hard to guard, protect and provide safety for our children so this whole process feels so unnatural.
The Visits… The first time I went with him it was probably the hardest thing I have ever done… EVER to date. I teared up before, during and after if I’m being honest. I knew coming into this that this was the process … but man O man is this hard on the heart! I am thankful that we serve a God who is bigger than our hearts for sure! When I handed him over to her for the time that she had him she loved on him as much as she could for as long as she had him. I journaled a little bit about the visit and the things that she said to him to share with him someday… someday I think these things may be important to him. And while we will have to be prepared to tell him the truth about how he came to us… we will also get to tell him about how she consistently came to love on him, in her own way, each week. I do HATE the look on his face when I pick him back up … Those crunched little eyebrows and little scowl on his face come back – not because it was a bad time or because he didn’t absolutely enjoy her but I think it’s because he has to take a few more hours to figure it all out again. There is just that look of confusion that sets back in… It makes me sad again for him. It makes me frustrated that he is the one having to deal with it all over again each week. We are considered an adoptive placement also known as a concurrent home so even though reunification for our little guy is highly unlikely… that fear still has a way of creeping back in each week after visits. It makes me soak in scripture and cling to Psalm 27 verses 1 and 13-14
v.1 The Lord is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?
v. 13I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. v. 14Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
This whole process has been a huge heart grower… It is constantly challenging me with what is in my heart, in my thoughts and how I surrender this whole process. I am so overwhelmed with God’s graciousness to our family and at the same time I am choosing to surrender my fears, my expectations, and even my hopes… Surrendering them so that God can equip me and our little family with the strength, sanity, and peace to make it through this process and make Jax’s place in our family permanent!
I love these iPhone pics below… we headed for the coast the week after Jax came home just to get quiet and bond a bit… This special moment between Rhi and her daddy makes my heart melt! I love her little pig tails!
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